A College Student's Prayer

When you go to a secular school of higher learning, you are bound to run into more than a few professors and/or students who think they know everything about the Catholic Church, from history, to doctrine, to finances, to all those evil pedophile priests.  Ana has kindly provided all us unfortunate college Catholics with a lovely little prayer....

College Student's Prayer:Lord, grant me the wisdom to keep my mouth shut when it wouldn't do any good to open it, the courage to speak up when the words won't fall on deaf ears, and the patience to wait until after class to laugh at a professor's ignorance. But above all, please help me to remember Your own words: "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." Amen.

May it help us all when we are tempted to become depressed and/or spout something uncharitably snarky.

Praying for the Victims

(by Ana Marx)

Different people react to situations differently. Were I a sniveling, cowardly, politically correct person, I would probably present this as my "opinion," but as I'm not, I'm presenting this as fact. I can even prove it using scientific methods! ...Okay, they're just pictures...

I give you exhibit A: Edward and Bella. For those of you not familiar with the story, in the beginning of the book (before Edward and Bella get so melodramatic that they make soap opera stars look realistic), Edward sneaks into Bella's room to watch her sleep. Let me repeat myself. A strange man sneaks into a 17 year old girl's bedroom. To watch her sleep. Without her knowledge. When confronted with this truth a few weeks later, Bella responds ecstatically and the two go on to become "soul mates."

I give you Exhibit B: What I would do if I were to find an acquaintance had broken into my house to watch me while I slept. This is to be followed with an immediate 911 call, and probably the request of a restraining order. I think it's safe to say that Bella and I reacted differently to the same situation. However, there is something that we both share in regards to out responses: we both reacted with passion.

As a poor, almost-college-student, I have to conserve my money, and sometimes that means making sacrifices. For example, I know I'm going to be doing quite a bit of driving this week (as I have for the past week), so I decided to go to a local Mass that's five minutes from my house, rather than drive two communities over to the parish wehre I usually attend Mass. It's only one time, I thought. I can make it through one of the liberal parish's Masses. At least it's still Jesus.

Though the homly was short, the priest had an excellent point. Jesus could have reacted differently to the money changers in the Temple. He didn't have to get angry to get His point across. After all, this is the Man who (fairly) calmly tolf the Pharisees where they were going if they didn't change their hypocritical ways. This was the Man who consorted with Samaritans and sinful women, gently guiding them to repentance. In our time that would be like Jesus hanging out in the ghetto with gangsters, or chilling in the park with publicly acknowledged cafeteria Catholics.

But He didn't react the way everyone expected Him to on this. Those times where He was correcting people on their behavior; on their lack of respect for God; for their offensive practices; He was able to do so calmly, and without judgment. Until He sees the money-changers in the temple.

Now, granted, the money changers were blatantly cheating the poor Jews of their coin. History 101:

Because the Jews were under Roman rule, their currency was Roman. However, the money that was to be given to the temple was supposed to be of Jewish currency. The purpose of the money-changers was to exchange the Jews' Roman coins for jewish ones, so that the money could be tithed. Now, what the money-changers were actually doing was giving back only a small percentage of what should have been given (i.e., robbing people). Same thing with the sellers of doves. Not to mention they were doing this in the temple, rather than outside of it. Id such a forgiving and patient God reacts this way to offensive behavior in His temple, a place where He is so intimately present, doesn't that tell you something? I'm not a very smart person, but even I can see that this is a special place, and should be treated as such.

So back to how this is relevant! Since I had arrived too late to pray before Mass, I had resolved to stay afterwards and pray a Rosary. Unfortunately, my Rosary was delayed. Five seconds after the preist reached the vestibule, the entire congregation began talking. It took almost fifteen minutes for the crowd to disperse from the building. Now, I'm not talking about one or two couples quietly whispering a few words. This was more like the conversationists were trying t talk loud enough to bring King Arthur back from the dead. Sorry, Sire didn't mean to wake you. Yes, Sire, it is a ptiy. I think it's the plague.

As I was saying to King Arthur, this leads me to believe that they were all suffering from some kind of illness whose symptoms include word-vomitng and short-term memory loss. Seriously now. If Jesus was righteously angry that His Father's house was a den of thieves, doesn't it follow that He could also be upset if His church was turned into a den of gosspiers? While I really wanted to sprint across the church to the light switch in the hopes that they might be cured of the illness by the sudden shock of being plunged into darkness, I thought that since I'm not God (and therefore I don't quite have the same rights as He), it might be a better approach for me to pray for them instead. So keeping the Gospel in mind, I've decided to offer up my trials, joys, and prayers this third week of Lent for the victims around the world who suffer from this dreadful disease. Being blessed with a gift for words, I thought I might convince you to do so, too. After all, two people praying is better than one.

If Wishing Worked... Oh, Wait!

(a post by Ana Marx)

I can't tell you how many times my mama told me, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." For a wide-eyed and self-proclaimed (unfortunately for my homework) chronic daydreamer, it's a terrible thing to be told that just because you wish for something to happen doesn't mean it's gonna happen. Let's be honest. Unless you know a host of talking mice, are frequently mistreated by your step-family, or enjoy singing to reflections of yourself in bubbles, wishing for something isn't a sure-fire way of getting what you want.
Calm down, Cinderella, I just said it's typically not a dependable way of going about doing things. Most people would tell you that hard work, sweat, and even ruthless bribery in the form of freshly baked cookies is the only way you'll get what you want out of life. But as is so often in our fallen world, sometimes not even cookies can get us what we really wish for. Nothing is certain when it comes to wishes. Unless, of course, you know the secret to wishing.

It’s not that difficult to find out. Unlike the answer to life, the
universe, and everything, it doesn’t take a computer millions of
years to compute. It’s really quite simple. It’s extraordinary. It’s
revolutionary. I would drag this out longer, but I can already see
the fickle people heading out the back door, thinking, “Why did I
even stay this long?” The secret to wishing is: You just got to
make sure that whatever it is you’re wishing for is what God’s
wishing for you too.

Wait! don't leave yet! I know that you think you've heard this a million times. I know you're looking a bit like my lovely friend here, but hear me out. (If it weren't for Lent, I'd offer you a freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie, but as it is, here's a coupon for one on Sunday.

But back to the point! Seriously, if all God wants for you is to be happy with Him forever in heaven, it only makes sense that He wants you to be reasonably happy during your time on earth, too. So how are we supposed to know what He's wishing for us? I mean, it's not like any of us are mind-readers.

Okay, well, not ALL of us are mind readers. But even if these guys could read minds, they didn't need to read God's mind to figure out His will for each of them. No, sir, the saints figured that out through a complicated method so foreign to modern society that I couldn't find a picture to illustrate it. Instead, I will describe to you the four steps required to complete the knowledge-bestowing, ancient, and mystical process to gaining exactly what will make you happiest.

1.Get in your car.
2.Drive to your nearest Catholic church.
3.Kneel in front of the Tabernacle.
4.Talk to Him.

You don't have to be holy; you don't have to know what you're saying. Heck, you dont even have to really be open to His will yet. The only requirement you have to fulfill is a wanting for your own happiness. (And if you're a selfish human being as I am, that shouldn't be too hard to muster.) Just talk to Him about what's going on in your life. Your hopes, your dreams, and, yes, your wishes, too. You might just be surprised to hear how many of your opinions match up with His. This technique is to be repeated as often as can be, but as it is a dangerous activity, I will leave you with this warning:

The more often you visit Him, the sooner you start to sound like this guy.

Princess Lessons

In a break from the subject of Feminism, I present to you a post by Ana Marx. Enjoy!

“The traditional princesses are bad role models! The only thing your daughter
will learn from watching princess movies/reading fairy tales is that she must be
pretty, complacent, and catch her a nice hunk of man-meat before she turns 20 if
she wants to accomplish anything.”

I can't tell you how many times I've heard that. To tell the truth, I'm quite sick of it. I don't understand why it's such a terrible thing to be virtuous now. Why is it a modern sin to be patient, long-suffering, or obedient? These are put on the same level as smoking, drunk driving, and violent intolerance, if you think about it. But let's leave that alone, because I know it's just too radical to cite virtues as, well, virtues. But I digress.

I've learned some quite radical lessons - aside from those unspeakable virtues - about dating and life in general from these "poor, oppressed women." You know what else? Princess stories don't just apply to girls, but they have pretty good tips for guys too, as you'll see.

(*A note of warning, these are the REAL princesses; not Disney's oft-times really messed up Princesses.)

Belle

Supposedly teaches: Abusive relationships are awesome!

Real lessons: Girls, happiness is a choice, whether you live in a hovel or a castle. Guys, chicks dig gentlemen, and even if you're ugly as sin, you'll have a pretty good chance with the ladies if you keep that in mind.

Snow White

Supposedly teaches: Cohabitation is where it's at.

Real lessons: Girls, beauty is only skin-deep. The Queen was beautiful too, but the only thing anyone remembers about her was that she was an evil witch. Guys, living in a pig sty isn't good for your love life. Did Snow White marry one of the dwarfs? That's right, she didn't.

The Little Mermaid

Supposedly teaches: Plastic surgery is a great way to get someone's attention.

Real lessons: Girls, if you can't get a guy to love you for who you are, no amount of change on your part is really gonna make him fall for you. Because if you change, he's falling for the imaginary girl that you've created. Besides, he's not worth your time if there's a chance you'll turn into sea-foam. Guys, pretty girls are just as capable of lying as the next guy. Try to keep that in mind the next time someone claims to have saved your life.

Cinderella

Supposedly teaches: You will never escape your boring life without Prince Charming.

Real lessons: Girls, don't be afraid to break a few rules to get what you want. Just remember that everything has consequences, and you've gotta deal with them like an adult if you're gonna break 'em in the first place. Guys, finding someone by their shoe size is not a good idea. 'Nough said.

Rapunzel

Supposedly teaches: You should always marry the first guy you set eyes on.

Real lessons: Girls, if a guy doesn't stick around when the going gets tough, he's a big waste of your time. Guys, sometimes you gotta deal with some terrible things to get the girl of your dreams. But don't worry! Unlike this prince, you probably won't get your eyes gauged out. Probably.