Friday, February 24, 2012

If Wishing Worked... Oh, Wait!

(a post by Ana Marx)

I can't tell you how many times my mama told me, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." For a wide-eyed and self-proclaimed (unfortunately for my homework) chronic daydreamer, it's a terrible thing to be told that just because you wish for something to happen doesn't mean it's gonna happen. Let's be honest. Unless you know a host of talking mice, are frequently mistreated by your step-family, or enjoy singing to reflections of yourself in bubbles, wishing for something isn't a sure-fire way of getting what you want.
Calm down, Cinderella, I just said it's typically not a dependable way of going about doing things. Most people would tell you that hard work, sweat, and even ruthless bribery in the form of freshly baked cookies is the only way you'll get what you want out of life. But as is so often in our fallen world, sometimes not even cookies can get us what we really wish for. Nothing is certain when it comes to wishes. Unless, of course, you know the secret to wishing.

It’s not that difficult to find out. Unlike the answer to life, the
universe, and everything, it doesn’t take a computer millions of
years to compute. It’s really quite simple. It’s extraordinary. It’s
revolutionary. I would drag this out longer, but I can already see
the fickle people heading out the back door, thinking, “Why did I
even stay this long?” The secret to wishing is: You just got to
make sure that whatever it is you’re wishing for is what God’s
wishing for you too.

Wait! don't leave yet! I know that you think you've heard this a million times. I know you're looking a bit like my lovely friend here, but hear me out. (If it weren't for Lent, I'd offer you a freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie, but as it is, here's a coupon for one on Sunday.

But back to the point! Seriously, if all God wants for you is to be happy with Him forever in heaven, it only makes sense that He wants you to be reasonably happy during your time on earth, too. So how are we supposed to know what He's wishing for us? I mean, it's not like any of us are mind-readers.

Okay, well, not ALL of us are mind readers. But even if these guys could read minds, they didn't need to read God's mind to figure out His will for each of them. No, sir, the saints figured that out through a complicated method so foreign to modern society that I couldn't find a picture to illustrate it. Instead, I will describe to you the four steps required to complete the knowledge-bestowing, ancient, and mystical process to gaining exactly what will make you happiest.

1.Get in your car.
2.Drive to your nearest Catholic church.
3.Kneel in front of the Tabernacle.
4.Talk to Him.

You don't have to be holy; you don't have to know what you're saying. Heck, you dont even have to really be open to His will yet. The only requirement you have to fulfill is a wanting for your own happiness. (And if you're a selfish human being as I am, that shouldn't be too hard to muster.) Just talk to Him about what's going on in your life. Your hopes, your dreams, and, yes, your wishes, too. You might just be surprised to hear how many of your opinions match up with His. This technique is to be repeated as often as can be, but as it is a dangerous activity, I will leave you with this warning:

The more often you visit Him, the sooner you start to sound like this guy.

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